I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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