Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
