My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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