So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
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