Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
