so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
