Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
