All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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