Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
