I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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