The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
