Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize