you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
