I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
my shit smells like andre
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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