This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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