Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
