shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
