I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
