dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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