There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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