wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
