I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize