So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
