I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
