Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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