You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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