I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
