It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
