dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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