u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
