Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize