I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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