gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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