Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize