its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize