i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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