In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My dick has a subreddit
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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