i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
