She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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