kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
