God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
