the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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