All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
