maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
