I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize