while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
