So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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