They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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