Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
that's an acceptable place to lick
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
