I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
