you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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