we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Randomize
