He kissed a someone with a penis
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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