I'm sorry my penis didn't work
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
