maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
