shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
