I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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