6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
