Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
