So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize