I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
