There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
