it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
