i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Randomize
