So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
