after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i came on her dog
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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