If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
