Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
