Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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